


i got a heart and i got a soul (believe me i will use them both)

by jaesungs



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, Heavy Angst, Hospitals, I don't really know - Freeform, Implied Luwoo, M/M, Really Heavy Angst, Sad, Slow Burn, background - markrenhyuck, but it's just a kiss so, he's abused by an og character, jeno's in an abusive relationship, johnny and jaehyun are there for like five minutes, kind of loud chensung, very sad, you may cry i did
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-05 03:54:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15855696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaesungs/pseuds/jaesungs
Summary: Na Jaemin started his freshmen year of Uni with the intention of getting through. Then he met Lee Jeno in Intro to Psych and fell hard. But, Jeno had a secret haunting him. Or, a person haunting him.





	1. we made a start, be it a false one, i know

**Author's Note:**

> warnings: read the tags. jeno is in an abusive relationship with an original male character and this might be triggering to some. it is not my intention to trigger anyone and the chapter that involves what i consider the worst of it will have a note before it.
> 
> on another note, this is probably one of the best fics i've written. i've worked so hard on it and would appreciate it if you could leave a comment with what you think i can improve on. thank you.
> 
> based off [this prompt](https://twitter.com/flirtytaehyungs/status/1027030990173159424)
> 
>  
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/bluesidejeno)
> 
> [edit 22 april 2019] title: 18 by one direction ((i just want to say that this song fits so perfectly for this fic and i hadn't even planned it that way. just,,, the title "i got a heart and i got a soul (believe me i will just them both),, like that fits so perfectly for jaemin....wow))

The first day of Jaemin’s freshman year at Uni, he walked into his last class of the day and sat at the front of the room. He smiled at the professor and pulled out his MacBook, but didn’t boot it up just yet. He looked around as other people started to walk into the room.

Intro to Psych was a popular class because half of the incoming freshmen class thought they wanted to be indie-Psych majors just to say “I’m a Psych major, that’s why I have the right to psychoanalyze you” without having to take the med classes.

It wasn’t a surprise when the class filled the entire lecture hall. Most people sat near the back, but eventually it got so full that every seat but the one right next to Jaemin was filled.

The class was about to start, maybe five minutes until, when Jeno came waltzing into the room. He assessed the seating arrangement, noticing the only seat available was the one next to Jaemin. He didn’t hesitate, just grinned at Jaemin and plopped his stuff down next to him.

Jaemin grimaced, seeing how Jeno’s bag spilled out hot Cheetos and a notebook. 

“Oops,” Jeno laughed as he sat down. He picked up the spilled Cheetos and shoved them back into his backpack. He grabbed his notebook and looked at Jaemin. “Do you have a pencil?”

Slightly disgusted by the sight, Jaemin just shook his no. Jeno purses his lips and nodded.

He turned around in his seat and asked the person behind him if they had a pencil. They handed him the pen they were holding without hesitation. Jeno thanked them and winked before turning back to Jaemin. “Lee Jeno.”

“Na Jaemin,” he offered before he turned back to their professor. 

“You new? I haven’t seen you around,” Jeno shrugged, opening his notebook and writing the date in the upper right hand corner.

“Well, you can’t possibly know every freshman student, can you?” Jaemin rolled his eyes.

“True, but I know most.” Jeno tapped on Jaemin’s shoulder, making the other look at him. “Like, hmm....” he looked around the class, “I’d say I know ninety-percent of the freshmen sitting in this lecture hall.”

“Impressive,” Jaemin said dryly. The professor stood up and began to talk.

Jaemin and Jeno didn’t talk for the rest of the class, both too busy paying attention to the professor. Jeno left the class before Jaemin even put his laptop back in his backpack. Jaemin sighed when he saw the mess of hot Cheetos Jeno left behind.

 

They saw each other again on Friday because Intro to Psych met Monday’s, Wednesday’s, and Friday’s. 

Jaemin got to class the same time he did on Wednesday. He wasn’t the only one there this time, considering their professor told them that she liked to start class a little early so they could leave earlier. He sat in the same seat as last time, liking the seat.

As he opened up his laptop, Jeno walked into the room with the same backpack he had the first time. He said hello to people who greeted him, but declined the seat invitations he received. Instead, he sat right next to Jaemin again.

“Jaemin,” Jeno greeted, pulling out the same notebook from his backpack. “Good to see you again.”

Jaemin sighed in acknowledgement. 

Jeno didn’t think too much of Jaemin’s lack of enthusiasm. He spun around in his seat, looked at the person behind him and didn’t say a thing as they handed him another pen. He thanked them and blew them a kiss.

“You should really bring your own school supplies,” Jaemin chided. He knew it wasn’t any of his business, mainly because it didn’t affect him whatsoever. But, Na Jaemin was like a middle-aged mother as Renjun put it. 

Jeno laughed and Jaemin pretended not to find his eye smile endearing. “You, Na Jaemin, are very correct about that.”

Class started. Jaemin typed his notes out on a Google Doc that he shared with a few other students in the class. They all filled in different parts of the lecture. 

Halfway through the lecture, Jaemin looked over at Jeno’s notebook and noticed there were no words written on it. He found it odd, slightly concerning, but he didn’t say anything. When the lecture ended, Jeno still had nothing on his paper. He hadn’t even uncapped the pen.

Jaemin was going to say something to him, but Jeno left before he could even say goodbye. Jaemin shrugged his shoulders and walked to his dorm.

His roommate, Zhong Chenle, super genius and super rich boy, sat on his bed with a book in his lap. He smiled when he saw Jaemin.

“Good day?” he asked, throwing his book onto the edge of his bed. 

Jaemin shrugged. “Kind of boring. This kid who sits next to me in Psych didn’t even take the lid off his pen during the lecture.”

Chenle smiled, shrugging his shoulders as he watched Jaemin grab a soda from the mini-fridge beside his desk. “Maybe he has a photographic memory. Doesn’t even need to take notes.”

“If that were the case, I’d want to be his study partner,” Jaemin sighed. He flopped onto his unmade bed, exhausted from his first week as a Uni freshman.

“You up for a party tonight?” Chenle questioned as he moved from his bed and opened a dresser drawer in search of a t-shirt.

“Look at you,” Jaemin grinned, “little freshmen and already getting invited to parties.”

Chenle rolled his eyes. “Jisung’s frat’s having a party.”

“You mean his will be frat next year,” Jaemin corrected. Jisung is still a senior in high school, skipped a grade but couldn’t test out of high school.

“Yeah, same thing. He’ll be there,” Chenle removed his button up and slipped on his black t-shirt. 

“Anyone else?” Jaemin asked even though he really only knew Renjun and Mark, a sophomore and player on their varsity basketball team. He knew Renjun because they were best friends since they started to DM each other on Twitter after learning they would be going to the same Uni in Seoul. He met Mark through Renjun.

“Lee Donghyuck? Freshmen too. He’s cute, part of the frat, I think he’s dating Renjun or Mark. Not sure,” Chenle shrugged. He threw one of his own t-shirts at Jaemin. “Your sweater vest is not going to cut it.”

Jaemin looked down at his beige sweater vest over his white button up. “Hey! I happen to like my outfit.”

Chenle over dramatically sighed, putting the back of his hand to his forehead like he was going to faint. “Jaemin, Jaemin, Jaemin. What are we going to do with you?” Chenle pats Jaemin on the top of his head. “Just put the t-shirt on and a pair of jeans so we can leave soon.”

He huffed, but put on the shirt. He looked at the jeans Chenle tossed to him with suspicion. “These are too small.”

“Are not,” Chenle argued, nose stuck in his phone. “You’ll be fine. This is your first college party, Jaemin! You have to make a good first impression.”

Jaemin frowned, but slid the jeans on over his legs nonetheless. Chenle was right. He had to make a good first impression.

“Said Jisung is going?” he asked, looking in the mirror Chenle brought with him.

“Yeah. Haven’t seen him in ages.”

“You’ve been gone away for three days,” Jaemin argued, running his fingers through his hair.

“Three days too long, I miss him. You’ll understand when you get a boyfriend,” Chenle dismissed the topic with a wave of his hand. He checked his iPhone for the time. “C’mon, time to go. He’s already here.”

“It’s a little early for a frat party isn’t it?” Jaemin slipped on his white Converse by this point, stood up and looked in the mirror again. He decided that he liked his outfit and nodded in confirmation to Chenle.

“It’s happy hour somewhere,” Chenle grinned, grabbing his phone off his bed. He waited for Jaemin to grab his phone and wallet before opening the door. The two walked out of the room and shut the door behind them. 

Chenle, the laziest bitch Jaemin knew, called an Uber for them even though the walk to the frat house wasn’t more than ten minutes. Ten minutes at the most, in fact. The two Uber to the frat house and saw the tremendous amount of cars already there.

“It’s not even eight,” Jaemin murmured as the two walked toward the house. 

“Again, it’s happy hour somewhere.” Chenle walked through the already opened front door and immediately b-lined toward the first mop of blond hair he saw. Jaemin didn’t blame him. He followed the younger. He smiled when he saw Chenle in the arms of Park Jisung, his boyfriend of a year. 

“I missed you!” Chenle exclaimed after finally letting go of Jisung. 

“I saw you on Tuesday,” Jisung pointed out with a beam of satisfaction on his face.

“Too long,” Chenle pouted and crossed his arms over his chest. 

“What are you doing to me?” Jisung groaned, pulling Chenle back into an embrace. 

It felt too intimate to watch, like he was intruding on a private moment despite them all being in the presence of at least a hundred people.

Jaemin excused himself with a small smile and walked towards the kitchen.

Much to his surprise, Lee Jeno happened to be sat on the black countertop with a red solo cup in hand. He was involved in some conversation, eyes following the hand motions of some guy Jaemin was sure he’d seen at some point. His neon green sweatshirt is what caught Jaemin’s attention in the first place.

Jaemin bit his lip, trying to think of what to do. He decided just to get a drink and leave. 

Lee Jeno had other plans. As soon as his eyes fell upon Jaemin, he got up from where he sat and walked over. “I-is that Na Jaemin? Sweater vest and MacBook Na Jaemin?”

Jaemin rolled his eyes. “Who would’ve thought I could have fun too?”

“Definitely not me,” Jeno pat the brown-haired boy on the shoulder. “You need a drink?”

“Not from you.”

Jeno laughed. “Feisty. Cute.” Jaemin blushed and covered his face with his hands. If Jeno noticed, he didn’t say anything. “Let’s get you a drink.”

The two walked to the mile high stack of red solo cups. It was taller than both of them.

“Johnny!” Jeno yelled, beckoning over a man as tall as a fucking giant as far as Jaemin was concerned. “Can you get me a cup, please?”

The man, Johnny, laughed. He easily picked a cup off the top of the stack and handed it to Jeno with a wink. “Tell Levi I say hi.”

“Will do,” Jeno saluted him as he walked off, back to his group of friends.

“When you say you know everyone, you really know everyone, huh?” Jaemin mused as Jeno looked at the selection of alcohol on the counter, fingers dancing over the caps of every bottle.

“Something about me, I guess?” Jeno smiled when he finally decided on gin for Jaemin. He poured some in the cup and handed it to Jaemin who didn’t take a drink of it. “Not a fan of gin, huh? It reminds me of you. Tastes kind of like Christmas.”

Jaemin raised an eyebrow. “I taste like Christmas?”

“Haha.” He didn’t offer any further explanation and Jaemin was too embarrassed to ask for one.

He took a sip of his gin and choked down the taste. Jeno laughed a little too hard when he saw Jaemin’s facial expression. 

“You’re such a loser.” Jeno snatched the cup from Jaemin and downed the rest of the gin in one long gulp. “C’mon.” He dropped the cup on the floor and pulled a beer out of a cooler. He handed it to Jaemin before seeing someone Jaemin didn’t recognize and vanishing into thin air.

Jaemin felt a small amount of disappointment wash over him. But, one second later, Mark Lee stumbled into Jaemin’s arms. 

“He’s drunk,” Renjun said dryly as he walked toward the two. “Told me he can hold his liquor. He’s a liar.”

“We’ve known since that one party where he got drunk off half a beer,” Jaemin giggled as he kept Mark from falling flat on his face. “What’d he have this time?”

Renjun sighed. “A fourth of a cup of whiskey.” He twisted his nose up in disgust, straightening out his blue t-shirt. He looked good, Jaemin thought. He had a loose fitting shirt and tight skinny jeans. It made him look less tiny.

“He’s such a lightweight,” Jaemin shook his head. He managed to pry Mark’s hands off him and pushed him toward Renjun who barley caught him.

“Should get him home before he gets himself killed.” Renjun rolled his eyes. “And I thought tonight would be fun.”

“Could just let him go and let him have fun,” Jaemin suggested with a twinkle in his eye as he sipped on his beer. He hated the taste, but continued to drink it.

“He might strip naked and run around the campus again,” Renjun mumbled as he let Mark wrap himself around his entire body, basically engulfing him. 

“It sure as Hell was funny, wasn’t it?” Jaemin smiled at the memory. “It was blackmail gold.”

“You weren’t the one who had to hear him cry about it fo half a year.”

“You didn’t have to listen to it either,” Jaemin reminded with a knowing smirk on his face. Renjun just rolled his eyes.

“Saw you talking to Lee Jeno,” Renjun changed the subject, body still holding both his own and Mark’s entire weight. Jaemin was shocked he could manage to stand up.

“Sits by me in Intro to Psych,” Jaemin shrugged. 

“Don’t get sucked into his drama, okay?” Renjun looked at him expectantly as he wrapped his arms around Mark’s waist. 

Jaemin raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

Renjun pursed his lips. “I’m just saying, Lee Jeno is a disaster waiting to happen. You get caught up with him, you’re going to end up doing something dumb. Like, going to jail. Or falling in love.”

Jaemin almost choked on drink, coughing the liquid back up into his cup. “Yeah, right.”

“Anything can happen,” Renjun bit his lip as his eyes focused on Mark who started to weep softly into the crook of his neck. “Alright, I’m heading out. It’s not even ten P.M. and he’s already crying. See ya tomorrow.”

Jaemin waved Renjun off as he was left alone again in the kitchen. His eyes searched for Jeno in the darkness of the house. He finally centered on Jeno who sat on the steps to the top floor. His head hung low, face buried deep in his hands.

Concerned, Jaemin walked over with caution. He finally reached him, but the music was so loud that Jeno didn’t hear him coming. “Hey!” No response. He yelled “hey” a little louder. Then a little louder. It took him four more tries before Jeno heard him.

He looked up, eyes bloodshot. “Hey,” he greeted as Jaemin sat next to him. 

“You good?” Jaemin asked. He didn’t know why he even cared considering he had only known Jeno for three days. Literally three days. Still, he felt drawn to Lee Jeno.

“Peachy,” Jeno smiled. It was so convincing, Jaemin almost believed it. _Almost._

“I don’t believe you.”

“Pretty and smart,” Jeno hummed in improvement. “I like you, Na Jaemin.”

Jaemin felt his cheeks burn. “I’m glad.”

He looked into Jeno’s eyes, noticing that they were sunken in, empty almost. It frightened him a little. He’d never seen someone’s eyes look so hollow. The complete blackness reminded him of the pitch night. 

He hadn’t realized how close they were until Jeno’s phone started to ring. Jeno jumped backward as Jaemin coughed. “I need to answer this, sorry.” He stood up and ran off, body getting lost in the dozens that crowded the house.

Jaemin bit his lip as he tried to process what just happened. He stood up and wiped his hands on his jeans. He walked to the living room in hope of finding Jisung and Chenle. He wasn’t all that surprised when he saw them too involved in their own world to notice the rest of them.

He was jealous that Chenle had someone like Jisung, someone who knew everything about him and still loved him. That sort of thing came once in a lifetime, which was probably why Chenle was so desperate to hold onto Jisung.

“Hey,” Jaemin called out as he stood in front of them. “Chenle.”

Chenle pried his eyes away from Jisung’s and looked up. “Hey, Nana. What’s up?”

“I think I’m going to head out,” Jaemin played with the hem of his t-shirt.

“Okay,” Chenle nodded. “I’ll come too.”

“No, no,” Jaemin shook his head. “Stay with Jisung, please? C’mon, I don’t want you to leave for me.”

Chenle chewed on the tip of his tongue as he thought. “Only this one time, okay? You’ll be okay without me? You need a ride home. I’ll call an Uber.”

Who would Jaemin be if he had given up a free ride home? An uber beat walking alone. He smiled at Jisung as Chenle typed away on his phone. “‘Kay, one uber should be here in ten. Trade phones so you can confirm it’s them.”

Jaemin sighed and grabbed his phone from his back pocket. He took Chenle’s phone and tossed his at the younger’s chest. “Call if you need anything.”

“Gotcha, Mom,” Chenle smirked at Jaemin’s scowl. “Get home safe.”

“Who’s the mom now?” Jaemin countered. He turned on the heel of his foot before Chenle count reply. When he turned back over his shoulder, Chenle and Jisung were already making out. He chuckled to himself as he walked to the front door.

The amount of cars outside made is almost impossible for him to find his Uber. He finally did and climbed in. He gave the girl driving the car the address and she took off.

About a minute in, Jaemin recognized the neon hoodie that the headlights shined on.

“Hey, hey. Can you stop for a minute?” he asked. The girl pulled over next behind Jeno. 

Jaemin jumped out of the car and started to scream for Jeno. After his fifth attempt, Jeno’s head whipped around and he smiled.

“If it isn’t Na Jaemin in the flesh?” He smirked as he walked toward the car. “An Uber, I presume? How twenty-first century of you, Jaemin.”

“Why the hell are you walking?” Jaemin demanded. He just wanted to go home, so you can’t blame him for being a little snappy.

“Broke,” Jeno shrugged. “And, walking is good. I don’t want to gain the freshman fifteen.”

Unsure of what to do, Jaemin just nodded dumbly. He bit his lip, knowing what he was about to ask would be dumb. “Why do you just get in the Uber and come back to my dorm. I doubt Chenle will be back tonight.”

Jeno thought about it for a solid fifteen seconds before saying, “Okay.”

“W-wait really? You don’t even know me! In fact, you’ve only known me for three days!” Jaemin yelled, exasperated by Jeno’s trust. “I could be a serial killer! O-or a dog kidnapper?”

“Well, A) you wear sweater vests to class and bring a MacBook. B) the best you could come up with was dog kidnapper. I think I’ll be fine.” Jeno walked around Jaemin and hopped in the car. Jaemin sighed before getting inside too. 

They sat in silence for the rest of the way to Jaemin’s dorm. Jaemin wanted to know why Jeno was walking, why he was crying at the party, why he didn’t take notes in class. But, he didn’t dare ask the questions. Maybe he liked the mystery.

“Here we are,” the driver said with a smile. She stopped the car and waited for them to get out. Jeno followed Jaemin, eyes glued on his phone.

The two walked into Jaemin’s building with no problem at all. Jaemin led them to his bedroom and opened the door. The light was shut off, as he expected, and he flicked it on. The poorly lit room showed the mess that Chenle had left behind.

Jaemin sighed. “Sorry. Chenle is a fucking tornado.”

“I don’t mind.” Jeno sat down on Chenle’s unmade bed and examined the bare walls of their dorm. “I don’t live in a dorm.”

“Really?” Jaemin asked, slightly curious. All freshmen were supposed to live on campus. He picked out two pairs of sweatpants for them. One black and one white. Ironic if you asked him.

“Yeah.” Jeno, once again, didn’t offer any further explanation. Jaemin knew it wasn’t his place to push him so he just held the black sweats out. Jeno took them with a small smile.

“Uhhh…” Jaemin mumbled, embarrassed to have to change in front of Jeno. 

“You’re such a dork.” Jeno unbuttoned his skinny jeans and dropped them, exposing his black Calvin Klein briefs. 

Jaemin screamed and covered his eyes, horrified by what Jeno just did. “What the fuck! Y-you can’t just do _that_!”

“I did,” Jeno smirked, despite Jaemin not being able to see him. He slid on his sweatpants and laid on Chenle’s bed. “Okay, I’m decent.”

“Jesus Christ,” Jaemin mumbled, opening his eyes. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

Jeno didn’t say anything in response as Jaemin left the room with his sweatpants still in hand. By the time Jaemin came back, Jeno was knocked out. He looked kind of cute.

Jaemin was intrigued to say the least. Lee Jeno was a mystery, an enigma. He had everyone wrapped around his finger without offering them much in return. He gave short answers, he told you want he wanted you to know, just enough to keep you on the edge of your seat. He was also bad news, Jaemin saw it from a mile away.

That didn’t stop him from talking to Jeno. In fact, it pushed him even more.


	2. baby i don't want to feel alone

Jeno was gone Saturday morning before Jaemin woke up. When the bright light burned his eyes, he woke up and looked over to see Chenle’s bed empty. He sighed exasperated and got up. He dressed for the day in sweatpants and a t-shirt he stole from Chenle.

He checked the time and saw that the cafeteria was serving breakfast. He texted Chenle to see if he wanted to grab breakfast with him. Chenle told him he’d be there in ten with Jisung.

When Jaemin got to the cafeteria, Renjun and Mark were sitting there along with Donghyuck who Jaemin hadn’t talked to much. Mark wore black sunglasses, giving away his hangover.

“You are so subtle,” Jaemin told Mark as he sat down and stole Renjun’s orange. 

“Thanks,” Mark muttered while he rubbed his temples. 

“He’s so hungover,” Donghyuck giggled and ran his fingers through Mark’s hair. Jaemin gagged. Mark groaned and dropped his head on the table.

As Jaemin peeled his orange, he looked around the cafeteria and saw Jeno sitting with someone he’d never seen before. He was white, brown curly hair, and wearing a sweatshirt in the middle of August. “Who’s that?”

“Who?” Renjun asked and looked around as well.

“By Jeno,” Jaemin clarified and nodded his head in the direction of Jeno. 

“Levi Green,” Renjun rolled his eyes. “Obnoxious, pretentious, annoying as hell sophomore.”

“He’s cute,” Donghyuck murmured, resting his chin on his hand. 

“Is not,” Jaemin argued, not knowing why he felt the need to disagree. He didn’t have a problem with Levi, didn’t even know who he was until two minutes ago.

“He’s cute,” Renjun agreed. “But, he’s taken.”

“By who?” Jaemin questioned as he finished his orange.

“Are you serious?” Renjun deadpanned, eyebrows furrowed. 

“Yeah…?” Jaemin trailed off, unsure why Renjun looked at him like he was an idiot.

“He’s Jeno’s boyfriend,” Donghyuck offered. Jaemin choked on his orange.

“I’m sorry. What?” Jaemin took the napkin Renjun offered him.

“They live together, don’t they?” Mark muttered, lifting his head off the table.

“Who?” Chenle asked as he pulled up a chair next to Renjun. Jisung sat down next to Jaemin and smiled.

“Levi Green and Lee Jeno,” Jaemin filled in, feeling a little bitter for no reason.

“Oh yeah,” Chenle said. “They’ve been dating for, lik, a year.”

Jaemin tuned the rest of the conversation out, not interested in hearing how happy Jeno was in his relationship. He didn’t have a problem with it, honest. He just was bored of the topic, is all. Only five times did he look over to see Jeno smiling and laughing. Only six times did he look over and see Jeno kissing Levi.

The rest of breakfast he tuned in occasionally to add some sarcastic commentary. He left the cafeteria around 10 A.M. by himself because he wanted to go to the library and nobody else wanted to. He didn’t blame them, but he needed to check out some books to read.

He spent ten minutes in the library, face buried in a book as he walked to the checkout counter when he bumped into someone. He dropped his book and the two others he’d been holding.

“Shit!” A voice exclaimed as Jaemin was bent over picking his books up. “I’m so sorry.”

Jaemin looked up and, of course, it was Lee Jeno in the flesh. He was still wearing the sweatpants Jaemin lent him. “It’s fine.”

Jeno stared at Jaemin and grinned. “Hey! Sweater Vest and MacBook! I should’ve guessed you’d be spending your Saturday here.”

“Well, why are you here, Jeno?” Jaemin questioned with a raise of his eyebrow.

“Meeting someone,” Jeno rolled his eyes. “For Advanced Trig.”

Jaemin pursed his lips. “Are you sure that’s Lee Jeno? The same person who doesn’t take notes in Intro to Psych?”

Jeno chuckled. “I don’t need to take notes.” Jaemin looked at his with a face that said _Yeah, right _. “Honest. I’m basically a genius, if you ask the Dean. But, I also lack work ethic, motivation, and effort. Which is why I have to see a tutor for every subject.”__

__“Wow,” Jaemin said, feeling a little speechless. “You better help me study for midterms.”_ _

__“Sure thing,” Jeno patted him on the shoulder. “But, I gotta go. If I’m late this lame tutor will report to the Dean and then I’ll be in huge trouble. See you on Monday, Sweater Vest and MacBook.”_ _

__Jeno didn’t wait for a goodbye, he just walked around Jaemin and left the younger grinning like an idiot._ _

__

__True to his word, Jaemin didn’t see Jeno again until Monday. Jaemin spent the rest of his Saturday working on some coursework he could get done early based on the syllabus. On Sunday, he and Chenle spent the day at the beach with Renjun, Mark, and Donghyuck (who Jaemin was finally warming up to)._ _

__“Helloooo,” Jeno said cheerfully as he dropped a notebook on his desk. It was a different notebook than before. He had no backpack his time._ _

__“You’re here awfully early,” Jaemin commented as he checked the time._ _

__“I just couldn’t wait to see you again,” Jeno remarked as he took his seat. There was already a pen waiting for him on his desk, so he turned around and grinned at the person sitting in the seat._ _

__“Or you just couldn’t wait to hear about the human brain.”_ _

__“You got me there.” Jeno uncapped the pen and wrote the date on the first page of his notebook._ _

__“First time I’ve seen you write anything in this class,” Jaemin snorted, opening up his Google Doc and writing the title of the lecture in the heading._ _

__“I probably won’t write anymore than that.” Jeno shrugged as their professor walked over to him._ _

__“Jeno!” she exclaimed, happy as ever. “How are you liking the class so far?”_ _

__Jaemin furrowed his eyebrows but didn’t say anything as Jeno beamed at their professor. “Loving it, Ara. It’s great. Still wish the Dean would’ve let me skip into Personality Psych, though.”_ _

__Their professor gave Jeno a sympathetic smile. “I know. I tried, but he wouldn’t budge. Your grandfather is quite something.”_ _

__Jaemin definitely raised an eyebrow at that one. He nearly started to cough but was able keep it in._ _

__“Calls me a child prodigy,” Jeno laughed and their professor smiled._ _

__“I’ve never met anyone as brilliant as you, Lee Jeno.”_ _

__Their professor excused herself to boot-up the notes she has planned for the day. Jaemin tried not to freak out. Key word: tried. “Your grandfather is the Dean?”_ _

__“Blurt it out to the whole world, why don’t you?” Jeno playfully rolled his eyes._ _

__“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jaemin asked, feeling kind of butthurt, like he’d known Jeno for longer than five days._ _

__“It’s boring,” Jeno dismissed, clearly not wanting to say anymore. Jaemin decided to secretly fanboy to himself. He’d been sitting next to the Dean’s grandson._ _

__Class started and Jeno, again, didn’t take notes. Jaemin figured that he couldn’t flunk the class anyway. _Lucky bastard.__ _

__

__On Wednesday, Jeno was sat in his chair before Jaemin arrived._ _

__“Early bird?” Jaemin asked as he put his backpack down. He gave Jeno a tight-lipped smile and pulled out his MacBook._ _

__Jeno only nodded his head with his head and pulled the hood of his hoodie up._ _

__Jaemin didn’t think much of it. He has had his fair share of bad days as well. He looked at Jeno’s desk and noticed that he had nothing on his desk. “No notebook today?”_ _

__No response._ _

__“You want to borrow my MacBook?” Jaemin asked with a small smile. He hoped that it would pull some kind of reaction out of the usually cheerful Jeno._ _

__It did. His head instantly perked up. “You forreal?”_ _

__Jaemin giggled. “Yeah. If you want to, that is.”_ _

__“Gimme gimme,” Jeno grabbed for the laptop and Jaemin tried his hardest to keep his heartbeat in check. He could not fall for Lee Jeno, the unfathomable Lee Jeno who had a boyfriend he’d never mentioned and a load of secrets locked inside of him._ _

__He picked the laptop up with one hand and sat it on Jeno’s desk. Jeno grinned at him and started to type perfectly on a new word document he opened._ _

___Hi, it’s me Lee Jeno from Intro to Psych don’t forget me pls and thanks, Sweater Vest and MacBook_._ _

__Jaemin raised an eyebrow at his impeccable typing skills. “For someone who doesn’t own a laptop, you sure can type.”_ _

__Jeno smiled mischievously. “Bold of you to assume I don’t have a laptop.”_ _

__“You going to tell me what had you down in the dumps?” Jaemin asked as he watched Jeno play a game of 2048._ _

__“Super boring. No scratch that, it’s super, duper boring.”_ _

__So, Jaemin doesn’t push it because something about Jeno’s voice warned him that he shouldn’t. It wasn’t his place._ _

__When class started, Jaemin surprised himself for not asking for his laptop back despite how his hands itched for it. He needed to take the notes._ _

__What also surprised him was that Jeno started to type everything that he needed to, with no questions asked. He occasionally looked up and met Jaemin’s eyes and smiled._ _

__Jaemin knew with every smile, he was being wrapped even more tightly around Lee Jeno’s pinky finger. He didn’t care._ _

__

__They started to see each other more often outside of class. Actually, they started to see each other every single day._ _

__On Mondays, they’d go to a little café Jeno’s grandmother owned in the outskirts of Seoul. Jeno drove them in a car that Jaemin assumed was his boyfriends. They would drink milkshakes and share a large cheese fry. Jaemin knew it wasn’t a date, but it sure felt like it._ _

__On Tuesdays, the two would go to the library to study after Jaemin’s last class of the day. This usually meant Jeno quizzing Jaemin in whatever subject he needed help with for a few hours before they’d go back to Jaemin’s dorm for a few more hours and watch Netflix on Chenle’s TV. Every day around seven, Jeno would leave with a big smile on his face._ _

__Wednesday’s were still the day’s that Jeno disappeared right after class ended. Jaemin always saw him later at dinner with Levi, grinning away and laughing at his friend’s jokes. Jaemin recognized Johnny from the party and learned Jaehyun, Taeyong, and Yuta. Usually, as Jeno left the cafeteria he would smile at Jaemin._ _

__On Thursdays, Jeno came to Jaemin’s creative writing class. The professor loved him, adored him actually, so he didn’t mind for Jeno’s visits. Jeno sat in the front of the room in a desk the professor put there specially for him. Jeno walked around like he was the TA or something, helping people with their essays. The first essay Jaemin turned in, Jeno had checked for him and happily made corrections. Jaemin received a B+ on the essay while everyone else cried over getting D’s._ _

__Fridays, they saw each other in class and then again later at some sort of party. Jaemin met Yukhei and Jungwoo at his third party. They were already close to Mark and it made it easier for them to fit into their friend group. Jeno and Jaemin usually sat together for an hour before Jeno wandered off. Jaemin never saw Levi. They left together to go back to Jaemin’s dorm where Jeno slept._ _

__Saturday’s, Jaemin hung out with his friends. He doesn’t see Jeno at all, in fact. A few times, he agreed to go to another party but they mostly stayed in._ _

__Sundays, they would both go to Mark’s apartment off campus to hang out. Usually, Hyuck or Renjun were there, sometimes both. Chenle would tag along if he wasn’t with Jisung. They would all do coursework and the play video games._ _

__It goes on for two months, their routine. Jaemin never asks about Levi and Jeno never says anything about having a boyfriend at all. It makes it easier for Jaemin to pretend that he doesn’t exist, like he has any sort of chance with Jeno. Because every second he spent with Lee Jeno, he fell deeper in love with him._ _

__

__The first time Jaemin brought up Levi, it was an accident._ _

__They were sprawled out on Jaemin’s twin size bed (meaning they were very close, probably too close) in Jaemin’s dorm room watching a lame RomCom the younger picked out while eating popcorn Jeno brought with him from home._ _

__“This movie sucks,” Jaemin muttered, bitterly chewing on his popcorn as the main protagonist did yet another dumb thing._ _

__“You picked it,” Jeno reminded with a small eye roll. He cuddled closer to Jaemin’s side, head on the youngers chest. Jaemin felt his heart racing._ _

__“Ugh.” Jaemin groaned when Jeno’s alarm went off, a reminder that he had to leave._ _

__“Got it,” Jeno laughed and reached over Jaemin to grab his phone off Jaemin’s desk. “It’s late. I better get going.”_ _

__“Heading home to the boyfriend?” Jaemin said, not realizing the jealousy that laced his voice._ _

__Jeno raised an eyebrow. “Yeah.”_ _

__“Does he know how much time you spend with me?” Jaemin blurt out. He had no control over his tongue._ _

__Jeno sat up, supporting his weight on one arm. “Is there something you want to ask me, Jaemin?”_ _

__Jaemin sat up too, alarmed by Jeno’s use of his name. It was either Na Jaemin or Sweater Vest. Never just Jaemin. “Is there something you have to tell me?”_ _

__“What the hell are you talking about?”_ _

__Jaemin jumped off his bed and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m talking about you never telling me you had a boyfriend!”_ _

__Jeno stood up. “It’s not a secret, Jaemin. I’ve never hid the fact that I’m in a relationship.”_ _

__“You never told me.” Jaemin’s anger started to look more and more ridiculous._ _

__“I wasn’t aware I had to.” Jeno’s phone dinged. While Jaemin’s eyes drifted towards the phone on his bed, Jeno’s never left Jaemin’s head._ _

__“You never tell me anything! We’ve spent almost everyday together for the past two months and I still don’t know anything about you,” Jaemin is furiated for no reason. Maybe he was mad because he was falling for someone he shouldn’t. Maybe._ _

__“Well, what do you want to know, Jaemin?” Jeno’s phone went off again._ _

__“Levi.” Jaemin grit his teeth._ _

__“It seems you already know about him.”_ _

__“I had to find out from someone else because you never told me! You fucking, ugh!” Jaemin started to pace around. “You’re such a liar.”_ _

__Jeno scoffed. “I’ve never lied about anything.”_ _

__“Withholding information is a form of lying,” Jaemin bit back, ready to throw Jeno’s phone at the wall._ _

__“I don’t know why you’re so pissed at me. If you wanted to know about Levi, you should’ve asked me.” The phone started to ring. Jeno sighed. He picked it up off the bed and looked at. Jaemin saw Levi’s name. “I have to go, Sweater Vest. I hope you have your shit sorted out by tomorrow.”_ _

__Jeno left, leaving Jaemin behind to cry into his pillow and then later into Chenle’s chest when the younger came home. He cried because he missed his parents. He cried because he wanted to go home. But, mostly he cried because he fell for someone who could never be his._ _

__

__The next day, Jaemin felt as though he had his shit together. It was Wednesday, meaning he wouldn’t see Jeno after class so he had to make up with him before._ _

__He walked in fairly early, not expecting Jeno to already be there. He noticed Jeno’s blue cashmere turtleneck sweater first. He furrowed his eyebrows. He’s never seen Jeno in anything outside of a t-shirt, jersey, or sweatshirt._ _

__He sat down in his seat, not sure how to go about apologizing for acting so crazy the previous night. He knew now that he was acting like a jealous boyfriend when Jeno hadn’t done anything wrong._ _

__“I’m sorry,” he whispered under his breath._ _

__Jeno turned to him, a blank look on his face. “For?”_ _

__Jaemin pursed his lips. “For acting...for acting insane.”_ _

__“You’re forgiven,” Jeno said and turned back to face the front of the room._ _

__He didn’t say anything after that but Jaemin still felt better. He knew that Jeno really had forgiven him, probably had forgotten about their fight even. That’s just how Jeno was. He didn’t hold onto grudges at all._ _

__By the time the lecture started, Jeno had already fallen asleep bent over his desk. Jaemin shook his head and smiled. He noticed Jeno’s sweater riding up in the back and went to pull it down for him._ _

__As he grabbed at the sweater, he noticed a faint but large brown spot covering Jeno’s hip. He bit his lip and pulled the sweater over it._ _

___He probably just hit his hip or something_ , he thought to himself. Jaemin returned to paying attention to the lecture, trying to forget what he had just seen._ _

__The lecture ended early and Jaemin had to wake Jeno up. He caressed the back of his neck, playing with the hair. He let himself pretend for a moment that Levi didn’t exist, that Jeno was single. That moment ended too soon because Jeno woke up._ _

__“How was the lecture?” he asked, voice gruff from his nap._ _

__“Boring,” Jaemin shrugged._ _

__Jeno checked his phone and Jaemin saw the wave of texts that rolled in._ _

__“Lots of friends,” Jaemin chuckled._ _

__“Wouldn’t call them friends, really,” Jeno mumbled as he scrolled through his texts. “You’re my only real friend, Na Jaemin.”_ _

__Jaemin smiled to himself. “Why thank you.”_ _

__“I gotta go,” Jeno said as he stood up, smoothing down his sweater. He looked at Jaemin. “See you in creative writing.” He winked before he left._ _

____

Jaemin ignored the heat that went to his cheeks and packed up his stuff.

They say hindsight is always 20/20, which is why when he looks back at that day, he realizes what his mistake was. A mistake that ended up costing him a lot.


	3. so kiss me where i lay down, my hands pressed to your cheeks

Levi becomes a more comfortable topic between them. While at first Jaemin avoided Levi’s name like it was the plague, he started to ask more questions about him which Jeno offered answers to without hesitating.

In the beginning, it’s questions like Levi’s grade (sophomore), his home (California), why he came to Seoul (exchange student and decided he liked it enough to stay). Eventually, he got nosier which he blamed Jeno for because Jeno always answered. It turned to questions about how they met (at a coffee shop), when they met (Jeno’s senior year in high school), how long they’ve been dating (close to one year), them living together (Jeno’s grandfather liked Levi a lot from his freshman year of college). And, the final stage was Jaemin asking about their relationship altogether like if Jeno loved Levi (yes), if Levi loved Jeno (Jeno sure hopes he does), if he was happy (very).

Sometimes, Jaemin swore he saw Jeno’s eyes grow big with fear before he said an easy-breezy answer and changed the subject. He called Jeno out, though. He just continued on with whatever they were doing at the time.

Hearing about Levi was supposed to remind him one of the many reasons he would never, ever be with Lee Jeno. Ironically, it just made him want Jeno more. Very counterintuitive. 

Somehow, knowing all these facts about Levi made Jaemin resent him more and more. 

It felt like a competition to him. He wanted to show Jeno that he could love him more than Levi ever could. He wanted Jeno to understand that he was the better option.

Still, it was no competition because he could never work up the nerve to tell Jeno how he really felt. Their friendship was good, terrific in fact. Jeno was the reason he didn’t absolutely hate Psych. So, he   
couldn’t ruin that by telling an already in love Jeno that he might also be in love with him too.

His dilemma wasn’t the biggest of his worries, not by a long shot. Jaemin’s feeling crisis was put on the back burner when midterms rolled around. 

Yet, inevitably, feelings are always bound to find a way out. Whether you’re ready for them or not.

 

Around early November, painful midterms finally ended. Jaemin had never crammed so much information into his brain and he knew finals would be even worse.

His best midterm was probably Intro to Psych, where Jeno graciously helped him study, and Creative Writing—another subject Jeno helped him in. He knew his Calculus final was absolute shit and his AP Bio midterm probably could’ve gone better but by that point he was so done.

Chenle cried for an hour when Jisung didn’t answer the phone the same night he’d finished his AP Trig midterm. Jaemin, returning the favor, let Chenle cry into his chest before wrapping him into a blanket and eating ice cream with him while they had a Gossip Girl marathon.

While Jaemin was preparing to major in Psych or something in that nature, Chenle was a math major. Jaemin felt for his roommate and possibly best friend. Though they saw each other less and less often as Chenle was out with Jisung and Jaemin with Jeno, the two still remained really good friends.

Renjun said that all his midterms were super easy, which Jaemin believed because Renjun was a good test taker. He could walk into a test without studying and get a good grade. Mark didn’t say anything about his midterms, just said that he needed a drink which everyone agreed to.

Yukhei and Jungwoo laughed off their midterms and said that college grades don’t matter because no employer is going to ask why you got a C+ in Statistics. Jaemin had to agree with them, but he couldn’t afford to spend a fortune on Uni and then flunk out.

He laid in his twin size bed with Jeno asleep next to him, or rather on top of him. Jeno was so annoying, something Jaemin learned early on in their friendship. He slept with his head on Jaemin’s chest, leg thrown over Jaemin’s, and arms wrapped around the person he was next to. He drooled a little and he kicked in his sleep. Yet, Jaemin would never trade it for the world. 

He would spend every single night for the rest of his life sleeping next to Lee Jeno. He loved his little snores and his twitching and his cuddles. He loved the fact that Jeno woke up with messy hair and swollen lips.

“Why are you staring at me?” Jeno raspsed as he moved his head up closer to Jaemin’s neck. 

“I’m not.”

“You are,” Jeno sat up and rolled his neck. “You really need to stop lying to me.” He looked down at Jaemin and grinned. Jeno touched the wet spot he left on Jaemin’s t-shirt.

“Disgusting,” Jaemin grimaced, sitting up as well and cracking his back. “I wish you’d stop drooling on me.” Lie. He found his nauseating cute, unfortunately for him. All the emotions he thought he had suppressed flooded back to him the second he finished his last midterm.

“You love it.” 

He does.

“What time is it?” Jaemin asked and looked out his window. It was dark.

“Not sure.”

“Don’t you have to go home to Levi soon?” Jaemin muttered, biting on his lip. “You’ve been with me for, like, the whole day.”

Jeno rolled his eyes and turned on his phone. Jaemin looked over his shoulder and saw the 400 unread messages Jeno had. Not uncommon for Jeno at all. The only reason Jaemin ever got a response from Jeno was because he offered food.

“Yeah, I have to go,” Jeno sighed. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and crawled out. He looked back at Jaemin and grinned as he slid his feet into his tennis shoes. “You know something Na Jaemin?”

“What?” Jeno raised an eyebrow and grabbed a random sweatshirt off Jaemin’s floor. As he slid it over his head, Jaemin recognized it as one of his own. He didn’t say anything about it.

“I like you, a lot.”

Those five words made Jaemin’s eyes go wide. His mouth hung open a little. “What?”

“I like you a lot,” Jeno repeated, eyes never straying from Jaemin’s. He walked closer to Jaemin who has stood up now. He grabbed ahold of Jaemin’s t-shirt and pulled the younger closer to him, so close their lips are almost touching. “Do you like me too, Na Jaemin?”

Jaemin gulped. He knew the answer. He likes Lee Jeno. The Lee Jeno who’s had a boyfriend for those four months. The Lee Jeno who was bad, bad news. 

“You don’t have to say it,” Jeno mumbled. “I already know the answer.”

And, then Jaemin pressed his lips against Jeno’s. His lips were dry, a little chapped, and tasted like the grape popsicle he ate earlier. Jeno’s, in contrast, were soft and supple. He tasted like mint chapstick.

It was quick, too quick, because Jeno stumbled backward, fingers playing with his bottom lip. “We shouldn’t have done that.”

Jaemin nodded. “We shouldn’t have.”

“I have a boyfriend,” Jeno breathed out, eyes watery. 

“You do.” And, Jaemin knew he should’ve felt bad. He should’ve felt guilty. But, he didn’t. He never met Levi, only saw him from afar. Plus, he just kissed the Lee Jeno he’d been pining over for the past four months. 

“W-we can’t do that again.” Jeno closed his eyes and started to count to ten. “It c-can’t happen again.”

“Okay.” Jaemin walked over to Jeno. He touched Jeno’s cheek with his right hand and watched how Jeno turned into his touch. “Okay.”

Then, he kissed Jeno again. They kissed until Jeno was crying, until he was sobbing. His words were a mixture of him begging Jaemin to stop making him feel this way and begging Jaemin to kiss him again. They kissed for two more minutes before Jaemin pulled back and wiped the tears from Jeno’s face. 

“You know,” Jaemin started, biting his bottom lip. 

“What do I know?” Jeno whispered. 

“I like you a lot too.”

Jeno smiled a little. “Oh, Na Jaemin, you’re going to be the death of me.”

Jaemin didn’t understand the words that Jeno let out. He didn’t understand how literal they would be. 

 

On Monday, Jaemin waited for Jeno giddly. He hadn’t seen him since Saturday, the day of their confessions. So, he was excited to say the least. He was in a good mood, the best mood he’d been in for a few weeks.

His mood was absolutely wrecked when Jeno didn’t walk into the class the usual time. He double checked the time to make sure he wasn’t hours early or something. He was right on time. 

It made his stomach drop and his blood boil. He knew he shouldn’t be mad at Jeno because he had nothing to be mad about. It didn’t make sense because Lee Jeno never made an ounce of sense. Not since the first time Jaemin met Jeno did he make sense.

The mystery surround Jeno remained. Even after Jaemin learned that Jeno was only child, but had a lot of older friends. Even after he learned that Jeno hated chocolate ice cream, could drink alcohol but never as much as people thought, liked to watch cartoons more than scary movies, liked spending more time at home with Jaemin than he liked going to parties. Even after he learned that Jeno always told the truth, never once cheated on his homework, went to every single class, and ate the same thing for breakfast everyday.

Even with every little detail he learned about Jeno, he still felt as though he didn’t know a thing. The aspects of Jeno’s relationship were superficial and insignificant. The background of his family was glossed over.

Halfway through the lecture, the doors opened. The professor stopped talking and looked over to the doors. The rest of the class, including Jaemin, did to. A small part of him hoped it was Jeno.

In came a person with a hood up over their head. They walked to the empty seat beside Jaemin and sat down. The professor didn’t say anything like she usually did when someone showed up late. Instead, she went back to teaching like nothing happened.

Jaemin looked over to Jeno worried. He knew he should’ve tried to act a little more upset, but it wasn’t like Jeno to do this. Not once had Jeno walked into a class late.

Jeno was slouched back in his chair, head up and watching what the professor had on screen. Jaemin peered around the hood and gasped loudly.

“Shhh,” someone behind him said.

“Jeno,” Jaemin tried his hardest to keep from screaming. He grabbed ahold of Jeno’s arm, not caring that he was missing the lecture. “What the fuck happened?”

Jeno didn’t answer. 

“I know you didn’t give yourself a black eye,” Jaemin snapped. He grabbed onto Jeno’s chin and turned his face towards him to get a better look.

Jeno’s eye was swollen and black and blue, staying true to the name black eye. There was a cut on the bridge of his nose and a cut on the outside of his eye that hadn’t completely scabbed over.

“What the fuck happened?” Jaemin slapped Jeno on the chest, trying to get his attention. Jeno flinched and didn’t say a word. “Please tell me what happened, Jeno. God. Please.”

Jeno opened his mouth, but he was interrupted by the professor. “Gentlemen, if you want to have a conversation do it outside of my class.”

Jaemin didn’t hesitate to shut his laptop and put it in his backpack. He stood up, ignoring the looks and whispers he was receiving. He snatched Jeno’s wrist and started to drag him towards the exit. Jeno went willingly until they were outside the building in the cold because this November day decided to be chilly.

“You’re skipping class” was the first thing to leave Jeno’s mouth. 

“Because you come into class with a fucking black eye and no explanation! What the fuck? You need to tell me what happened!” Jaemin was filled with this uncontrollable rage. He wasn’t sure who he was pissed at, who he wanted to kill, but he was fucking mad.

Jeno shook his head and noticed Jaemin shivering. “You should go back inside. I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

“I don’t give a fucking damn about that lecture, Jeno. I don’t give a fuck about anything but you! It’s always been you!”

A sad smile crossed Jeno’s face. “I’ve heard those words before, Na Jaemin. But, they always lead back to the same place. It hasn’t always been me. It won’t ever be me.”

“God, you’re so fucking confusing!” Jaemin shouted, surprised no one was hearing them. “You’re so fucking cryptic for nothing! I wish you’d just tell me what you were thinking. I’m so fucking tired of these games!”

“You want me to tell you what I’m thinking?” Jeno crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m thinking that I’m in a relationship. I’m thinking that you kissed me knowing that. I’m thinking that this,” he gestures between them, “is impossible.”

Jaemin rolled his eyes and stomped his foot. “If you just broke up with him it wouldn’t be! You’re so fucking complicated.”

“Complicated and confusing, huh?” Jaemin shook his head. “You’re not stupid, Jaemin. Things are always more intertwined than you think.”

Jeno started to shiver and Jaemin knew that right then was not the time for this fight. He needed to get Jeno back to his dorm room and cleaned up. He needed to lie down next to him and cuddle him.

“Let’s just go to my dorm, okay? There’s no point in fighting about this now. You’re freezing cold and we need to get ice on that, okay?”

The two walked to Jaemin’s dorm across campus in complete silence. Once again, Jaemin had so many questions. He wanted to know so much, but it wasn’t the right time to ask.

Somehow, it never felt like the right time to ask Jeno these questions. 

They always ended up back to this point and Jaemin was getting tired of it. He was getting tired of Jeno being this enigma, this puzzle he could never solve. He was exhausted.

They entered Jaemin’s dorm room and saw Chenle sat on his bed, crying over his phone. Jaemin groaned internally. He realized he had two big babies to take care of.

“O-oh,” Chenle stuttered when he saw them walk in. He dropped his phone beside him and stood up. “I can leave.”

“No,” Jaemin denied as he pushed Jeno to sit down on his bed. “You’re staying here. Let me deal with him first, okay?”

Chenle nodded helplessly. He tried so hard not to stare at Jeno’s beat to hell face, but it was impossible. He’d never seen such a pretty boy look so bad, so broken. He knew then that Lee Jeno was beautiful, but he was so, so broken. In more ways than one.

Jaemin exited the room, leaving behind silence. 

“What were you crying abou?” Jeno eventually asked to break the tension.

“I’ll tell you if you tell me what the hell happened to your face,” Chenle said as he laid back on his bed.

Jeno smirked. “My story probably isn’t as fun as yours.”

Chenle snorted. “Got dumped.”

Jeno pursed his lips. “Jisung’s a dumb bitch.”

“Doesn’t mean I’m not in love with him.” Chenle shrugged. “You?”

“Got right hooked.” Jeno paused. “By...someone.”

“Assumed as much.” 

The door opened and Jaemin walked in with a bag of frozen peas covered in paper towels and a wet washcloth. “For you.” He tossed the peas to Jeno who caught them with ease. “You.” He handed the paper towel to Chenle who touched it to his face, liking the coolness.

“What happened to you?” Jaemin asked Chenle after sitting down next to Jeno and taking the peas back from him to look at the severity of the punch. 

“Jisung dumped me.”

“I’m sorry,” Jaemin said with a sympathetic smile. “You know why?”

Chenle looked up at his ceiling. “Said he found someone better.”

“That’s a lie. No ones better than you, Lele.” Jaemin handed the peas back to Jeno and forced him to lie down.

Chenle snorted. “Obviously there is. It just sucks.”

Jaemin sighed. “You want me to get Xuxi to beat his ass?”

“It wouldn’t make me feel any better to see him half dead,” Chenle shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m just…sad.”

Jaemin looked down to see Jeno knocked out, bag of peas still on his eye. “He won’t tell me what happened.”

Chenle bit his lip. “If Renjun were here he’d tell you to run the other way. You know how he feels about _him_.”

“Renjun also happens to be pinning after two boys. He has no room to be giving relationship advice.”

The younger of the two chuckled. “You calling you and Jeno a relationship? You know he has a boyfriend.”

Silence.

“What if I told you I’m falling in love?” Jaemin didn’t pull his eyes off the carpeted floor of their dorm. His cheeks burned with shame as Chenle took his time to respond.

“Then I’d tell you that you’re setting yourself up to be hurt.” Chenle took a breath. “But, maybe he’s worth the pain.”

 

A week passed before Jaemin had the heart to bring Jeno’s black eye up again. With every day that passed, Jeno’s face healed a little bit more. 

Renjun and Mark asked him if he knew what happened, he didn’t. Yukhei and Jungwoo said they were hearing rumors that Jeno got into a fight with some junior. Donghyuck told him that there was a rumor going around that Jeno got drunk at a bar off campus and got into a fight there.

The odd thing about all the rumors floating around was that Jeno was always the one at fault. That he fought someone, that he beat someone’s ass. Clearly, the people spreading their rumors had no idea what Lee Jeno was actually like. He couldn’t hurt a fly, let alone another human being.

Which is why Jaemin got the sneaking suspicion that he knew the person who gave Jeno the black eye. The same person who gave Jeno the bruises on his hip. The same person that Jeno went home to every night.

He didn’t know how to confront the topic. Every time he saw Jeno he just wanted to blurt out his question, but he knew better. If he was right...if Jeno was being abused by Levi he had to be careful and deliberate with all his words. He researched it and everything.

So, when the time was right on a Monday at the little cafe they’d been going to for month as Jeno sipped on a vanilla milkshake Jaemin knew what he had to do.

“I have to ask you something,” Jaemin said, biting on his own straw. He swirled it around in his Diet Coke because he couldn’t have milk.

“Yes?” Jeno looked up from his phone and straight into Jaemin’s eyes. 

Jaemin felt weak. “I-is...does Levi hurt you?”

Jeno choked on his milkshake. “W-what?” He grabbed some napkins and wiped his mouth. “No. Of course not.”

Jaemin knew right away he was lying by Jeno starting to play with his hair. Jeno was a superb liar, probably the best Jaemin had ever met, but when something made him nervous he grabbed onto the end of his hair. “Jeno,” he mumbled softly, taking Jeno’s left hand into his own, arms resting on the tabletop. “Please don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying.”

“You are.”

Jeno tore his hand out of Jaemin’s grip. “I’m not. He doesn’t abuse me, Jaemin.”

“How’d you get that black eye, then, Jeno? How’d you get those bruises on your hip?” Jaemin’s voice was somewhat stable, more so than he expected. He thought he was keeping it together pretty well.

Jeno didn’t respond at all and that was answer enough for Jaemin. He was growing more and more pissed at everyone. How could someone ever lay a finger on Lee Jeno? The same Lee Jeno that loved small children and couldn’t say no to helping people? 

“How long?” Jaemin asked after some time. He needed to compose himself. As much as he felt like vomiting and crying, it wasn’t time. He needed to be there for Jeno. 

“I-he doesn’t mean it, Jaemin. H-he just gets upset and I piss him off. It’s my f-fault. I-”

“How long?” Jaemin asked again.

Jeno hid his face in his the palms of his hands. Finally, he looked up with tears in his eyes. Jaemin gulped. “You don’t understand. I-there...it. Fuck.”

“You can’t stay with him,” Jaemin bit on the inside of his cheek. 

There was a moment of silence. “Y-you don’t understand. He loves me, he does. We just fight a lot and he gets mad. He never means it, Jaemin. He loves me.”

And Jeno’s words sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than Jaemin. “This isn’t your fault, Jeno.” He looked into Jeno’s eyes, trying to get him to understand. “You don’t deserve this. You’re so fucking perfect. You’re the best person I’ve ever, ever met.”

Jeno screws his eyes shut tightly in a vain attempt to keep his tears in check. Choked sobs escape anyway. “Oh, Sweater Vest, so much more goes into this. I-I can’t just leave.”

“Why not?” Jaemin was proud that his question didn’t come off accusatory, but as genuine. It was not the latter.

“Nobody will ever love me like he does, Na Jaemin. I’m a piece of shit and he knows it. I’m broken. Only he could ever love me.” 

Jaemin wanted so, so bad to scream at the top of his lungs that he loved him. He wanted shout from the rooftop that he was so maddeningly in love with him that it should be illegal. He had to stop himself.

“You’re not a piece of shit, Jeno. You’re not broken either. You have me, Jeno. You have so many people who love you. So many people who know how amazing you are.”

Jeno shook his head. “I’m sorry, Jaemin. I shouldn’t have talked to you that first day in Psych. I was just so taken back by your beauty I forgot what a disaster I am. I’m so sorry.”

Then he was getting up and dashing out of the cafe. Jaemin couldn’t comprehend what had just happened. 

Their relationship ended there. Jeno ignored Jaemin every time he tried to talk to him. He ignored every text, every call, every note passed to him. And, Jaemin tried so, so hard to be mad at him, but he couldn’t be. For a month, Jaemin kept what he knew to himself.

It ate him alive. He just had no idea how to tell anyone else, if he should tell anyone else. He knew it was wrong, God did he know. But, he couldn’t drag Jeno into a cellar and keep him there until he didn’t love Levi anymore.

Jeno changed his seat with someone in the way back of the class. Jaemin pretended like he didn’t go back to his dorm and cry for over an hour. It was pathetic, but he loved Lee Jeno more than he knew what to do with himself.

The mere thought of him still being with Levi hurt so bad. Everything about Lee Jeno hurt him.


	4. all i can do is say that these arms were made for holding you

He accidentally let it slip when he was talking to me Chenle and Yukhei. He had no idea where the topic of domestic abuse came from, but he nearly fainted when the words “talk to Jeno about it” left his mouth.

They looked at him with confusion, eyebrows furrowed and mouths hung open.

When Chenle asked what he meant, it all flooded out of him like a river. Word after word spilled from his lips. He couldn’t stop himself, he didn’t know how to. He’d been holding it in for so, so long it felt good for someone else to know. 

As soon as it was over, he regretted it. He knew he should’ve kept it to himself.

Yukhei was so angry he accidentally crushed the glass cup he was holding. It shattered and cut his hand pretty bad and he bled all over the table of the restaurant they were at. 

They had to go to the emergency room to get stitches for Yukhei’s hand.

In the waiting room, Chenle said something Jaemin never forgot. It sticks with him even to this day.

_“You can’t save someone who doesn’t want saving. I love Jeno, I do. He’s an extraordinary person, but we can’t help him if he doesn’t want help.”_

And, the thing was that Jaemin understood. He got what Chenle was saying one hundred and eighty percent, but he couldn’t give up on Jeno. He didn’t believe that Jeno didn’t want saving. He thought maybe Jeno just didn’t know he wanted saving. Maybe.

 

The information spreads in a way Jaemin didn’t anticipate. Chenle told Renjun who told Mark who told Donghyuck. And they all came to him wanting to know how to help Jeno. He wished he knew the answer. He told them all the same thing, they just have to wait and be supportive of Jeno.

There’s nothing else to do and realizing that was the hardest thing for Jaemin ever. To sit back and watch Jeno be hurt was the worst experience of his entire life.

Things eventually went back to semi-normal (normal being Jeno sitting next to him in Intro to Psych and seeing him on Friday’s). But, things don’t recover to the way they once were. He never expected them to. For things to go back to the way they once were, they would have to pretend like Jeno wasn’t in an abusive relationship.

If he hadn’t said anything, if he just ignored it then everything would have stayed the same between them. But, his conscious would never let himself just pretend like Jeno wasn’t getting hit.

They say love makes you blind, but never that blind.

But, in a way, maybe Jaemin was being blinded. Because every single day that passed, he was stuck on wanting to hold Jeno, on wanting to kiss Jeno, on wanting to love Jeno. When he wasn’t thinking about Jeno, he was with Jeno. Afterall, leaving Jeno would hurt more than not having him in his life.

He wanted Jeno in any way he could have him. Even if that meant for three hours every other day and for a couple of hours surrounded by wasted teens. He only needed him for a little bit to love him. And, he knew that Jeno was falling for him too. He could see it in his eyes, in his touches, could hear it in his voice.

Love was mutual.

 

The day that drastically changed everything came around December right as finals ended and winter break started. The campus had been in chaos all of finals week.

Jaemin barely slept for more six hours a night as he studied for his finals. Chenle came back to the dorm twice to change clothes before heading back off to study for his. Renjun later told them that he didn’t study (he still passed). Mark almost had a mental breakdown in the cafeteria when Hyuck wouldn’t hold his hand (Hyuck later apologized with four pieces of cake and eight thousand kisses. Renjun participated in those smooches).

Out of tradition, one of the frats decided to have a big party for the whole campus. The Dean of the school, and Jeno’s grandfather, told everyone to stay safe before he left the campus behind. The only faculty left was the security guards who knew that the party could not be stopped.

Even though Jaemin just wanted to sleep, he agreed to go to the party because he’d promised many people a drink and a dance for surviving finals. He had to pull through. And, get extremely drunk while he was at it.

So, he sat in his room for twenty minutes as he waited for Jisung to arrive. Chenle and Jisung made up around mid-November when Chenle went back home for Thanksgiving. Both Mark and Jaemin went back to their hometown, only Mark brought both Hyuck and Renjun. When Jaemin asked Jeno what his plans were, Jeno told him that he’d be staying with his grandfather. Jaemin tried not to worry. (He did.)

“He’s late,” Jaemin mumbled as he checked the time on his phone. It was getting towards half-past nine and he was anxious to see Jeno. 

Chenle rolled his eyes from his bed. “He’s always late.”

“Can’t we just tell him to meet us there?”

“You’re in such a rush to see Jeno,” Chenle said in a sing-songy voice. “I can’t believe you’re still so whipped for him. I think it’s unhealthy.”

Jaemin huffed but didn’t reply. Chenle was probably right. His love for Lee Jeno was not healthy in the slightest bit.

There was a knock on the door and Chenle jumped up to answer it. He opened the door and greeted Jisung with a big hug and kiss on the lips. 

Jaemin gagged. “Ew. Some of us are single.”

Chenle looked over his shoulder, arms still wrapped around Jisung. “Not my fault.”

Jisung laughed from behind Chenle. “Hi, Jaeminnnn.”

Jaemin groaned and pushed himself off his bed. He grabbed his keys off the hook on his wall and pushed passed Jisung and Chenle. “Can we please go?”

The three walked outside to where the Uber that was waiting for them. They piled inside, Jaemin in the front seat to let the couple catch up. The ride was filled with some overhyped trap song from America that only Jisung knew the words to.

They arrived at the frat house and the party was already in full swing. Cars on cars were parked in front of the house, making it difficult for the Uber to even find a place to park. They all climbed out and thanked the driver behind them.

Jisung lead the three into the house, being greeted by his future frat brothers Johnny and Jaehyun at the door. The two also said hi to Jaemin who they met through Jeno.

As Jisung and Chenle disappeared into the sea of people, Jaehyun latched onto Jaemin’s wrist and kept him from walking. 

Jaemin raised an eyebrow as he eyed the hand on him. “What’s wrong?’

Jaehyun swallowed, almost like he was nervous. “Have you seen Jeno?”

“He isn’t here?”

Jaehyun shook his head and let go of Jaemin’s wrist. “I haven’t heard from all day. He said he was going to text me after his last final and tell me when his grandfather left campus. I’m kinda worried.”

Jaemin bit his lip. “You know how Jeno is. He’s forgetful as fuck.” Even Jaemin’s words weren’t convincing him. 

The older of the two sighed. “Yeah.”

He shooed Jaemin off and Jaemin didn’t know what to do with himself without Jeno. He could’ve looked for Renjun, Mark, and Hyuck who said they would be there. Yukhei and Jungwoo were also there, but he didn’t want to talk to them. He only wanted to hear about Jeno’s eventful finals.

He walked to the kitchen he’d been in too many times and grabbed a beer from the cooler. He opened it and took a sip, still hating the taste. He didn’t think he would ever like the taste.

“Hey,” Mark said as he walked towards him. 

Jaemin nodded. “You’re not completely wasted yet?’

Mark laughed and held up his red solo cup. “Designated driver. Hyuck’s final didn’t go too well.”

“Did anyone’s really though?” Jaemin and Mark giggled to each other as the party surrounded them. 

“Junnie said his went really well.”

Jaemin rolled his eyes. “Renjun pisses me off. He doesn’t study and still does good.”

“Tell me about it,” Mark grinned. “You don’t even have to deal with him and Hyuck’s bratty asses every day.”

They talked for another hour in the kitchen as the party thumped on, bass boosted so loud that they could feel the pressure on their chests. Neither minded, really. The two watched Hyuck’s drunk ass get beat at beer pong as Renjun clapped even when he missed.

It was nearing one in the morning when Yukhei came bounding towards him with a crazed look in his eyes.

“Yukhei?” Jaemin asked, only slightly buzzed. He noticed the tears in the other’s eyes. “What’s wrong? What happened.”

Yukhei shook his head like he was at a loss for words. He turned his head around and caught sight of Mark who was sober and sitting at the island of the kitchen, sipping on a Diet Coke. He snagged Jaemin’s arm and tugged him towards Mark.

“Mark,” Yukhei coughed, still gripping onto Jaemin’s wrist. Mark looked up. “Come with us.”

Yukhei took off with his hand still wrapped around Jaemin’s wrist, nearly dislocating it because Jaemin couldn’t run fast enough. He was protesting, but nothing made Yukhei let go of him. 

They were right outside the house when Yukhei stopped and let go. Jaemin rubbed his wrist, looking at the red mark Yukhei’s hand left on him. “What the hell, Yukhei?”

Mark came bounding outside, a little out of breath when he spotted them.

Yukhei gulped loud, trying to rewet his dry mouth. His chest felt heavy like he was being suffocated. “It’s Jeno.”

What happened after that was a blur. It was a mix of screaming and crying as they got into a car and Yukhei drove the three to the hospital on the other side of town. The whole drive, Jaemin couldn’t hear a thing being said. It was like he was underwater, drowning. It had to be a nightmare.

There was no way he was going to the hospital. He vaguely heard the things Yukhei was saying to Mark about what happened. It was a muddled mix of “he was nearly beaten to death” and “he’s dying”. His vision clouded over, eyes couldn’t read a sign five feet away from him.

He knew his breath was short and labored, like he’d just ran a marathon but he had to keep himself from having a panic attack. 

They arrived at the hospital in under twenty minutes, bounding inside and towards the front desk. Apparently, the first number they had called off of Jeno’s phone was Yukhei’s (Jeno would later explain that Yukhei would be the first person he’d call if he needed someone’s ass kicked, and for him it was very possible to need that). 

Jaemin doesn’t remember the rest of the time he was there except waiting. He waited for hours, for what felt like days. They said Jeno was in surgery, nearly dying. He doesn’t remember when everyone else showed up (it was the next day when everyone was sober). And, he doesn’t remember falling asleep until Yukhei was waking him up, telling him that Jeno’s out of surgery.

“C’mon, he’s out,” Yukhei said, trying to coax Jaemin out of his sleep. 

Jaemin rubbed his eyes and cracked his neck, feeling the most uncomfortable tick. That’s what he gets for falling asleep in a waiting room chair.

He stood up and stretched, not bothering to check how he looked. At that point, he didn’t even care. He just wanted to see Jeno.

The two of them walked into his hospital room, seeing his grandfather sitting there. He gave them a weak smile as he held onto Jeno’s hand with his own. 

Jaemin nearly broke down into sobs when he saw Jeno lying there. His face was beaten to hell, black and blue and swollen everywhere. His arms were covered in in bruises. 

“Oh my God,” he gasped, frozen at the sight. “W-what? Oh, God.” He felt queasy and nauseous, like he was going to vomit all over the floor.

“He broke his arm and his leg in three places,” Jeno’s grandfather, the Dean, answered.

And, Jaemin lost it. He ran out of the room to the nearest trash can and dry heaved over it. He leaned against the wall and he felt a hand on his back.

“I know” is all Yukhei said as he helped Jaemin stand upright. He ran his slender fingers through Jaemin’s disheveled hair with the hopes of comforting him.

“I-How?” Jaemin had already come to his own conclusion and he knew Yukhei probably had his own too. He’d only known one person who would ever do this to Lee Jeno. Lovable, cuddly, perfectly made Lee Jeno.

The two walked back to Jeno’s room and was greeted by his grandfather again.

 

The first two days Jeno’s in the hospital, it was a mix of people coming in and out to see him. He was conscious and then he was not conscious, so they never knew who was going to get a chance to talk to him.

Jaemin and his grandfather had been staying with him. Yukhei, Mark, and Chenle had been taking shifts to be with Jaemin before Chenle had to leave for home by his parents requests. Mark, Renjun, and Hyuck had plans to go back to Renjun’s in China for the holiday and couldn’t get refunds on their tickets. They had to leave too. Yukhei went to Thailand to see his mother, taking Jungwoo home with him. Jaemin didn’t blame any of them for leaving, he would’ve gone too had he not been in love with Jeno.

The third day, he was completely awake and the police came to talk to him. Jaemin had to leave the room, but he guessed by his grandfather exiting the room to start yelling at someone from the school over the phone, Jeno confessed who did it. He was glad, he never wanted to see Levi Green’s face again.

He never wanted to even think about Levi, not after what he’d done.

Jaemin’s never so lucky.

It was the sixth day of Jeno’s two-week-long stay at the hospital when Levi Green, in the flesh, came in with flowers in hand. He should’ve been arrested, but the rumor was that they couldn’t find him.

Unfortunately, Jaemin was in Jeno’s in-room bathroom when Levi walked in and Jeno’s grandfather had left to get something to eat.

He heard the scream Jeno let out, along with the protests and yelling coming from both people. He ran out of the bathroom, not having even gone yet when he saw Levi standing there and his bouquet meant for Jeno lying on the ground.

Jaemin rushed over to Jeno and saw how his hands trembled with fear. He took Jeno’s right hand in his own, rubbing circles onto the skin to hopefully comfort him.

For the first time in five months, Jaemin said something to Levi. “You need to go.”

Levi pursed his lips that had a cut on there m. As Jaemin examined Levi, he realized that Jeno had fought back but the damage done to Jeno was far greater. “This doesn’t concern you, Na Jaemin. Now, get the fuck off my boyfriend.”

Jaemin tried so, so hard. He did. But, he couldn’t contain the anger he had for Levi. How anyone could ever is still a mystery to him because Levi is aggravating and irritating and selfish. “He’s not your boyfriend. And, you need to go before I call security.”

He didn’t expect it to happen. He never saw the punch Levi threw at him coming. But, his jaw was sacked and Levi wasn’t stopping.

Jaemin snapped.

He tackled him to the floor and held him down by his throat, fingers placed in the spot where he knew he was strangling him. Holding someone’s life in your hand is powerful. It makes you feel like you’re God. So, as Levi clawed at him, nails scratching his arms, leaving cuts behind that would hurt for days, Jaemin had to think. He really had to think if he was going to let Levi live or die.

He heard the distant footsteps of security guards coming for him. He heard Jeno shouting at him to let him go. So, he did.

His hands flew off of him, and he threw himself backward onto the floor as Levi coughed and gasped for air. He looked at his hands, noticing the shaking. He gulped.

The security guards came in a few minutes later. Jeno told them that he wanted Levi gone, that he never wanted to see him again. Jaemin nearly kissed him.

 

Eventually, Jeno was released from the hospital. Jaemin was supposed to go home for their winter break and celebrate the holidays with his family, but they understood why he needed to stay. He promised to come home for at least a couple of days and maybe even bring Jeno with him if he were up to it.

The two stayed in Jeno’s grandfather’s home. The house was big enough for eight more people, but they stayed in the same room and slept in the same bed. Jaemin said it was to make sure Jeno didn’t die in his sleep, Jeno’s grandfather just laughed.

Their break consisted of them watching Christmas movies and preparing for Jeno’s trial. Jeno’s lawyer said he had to come forth with the domestic abuse he had been through. Jaemin had to tell him over and over that he was safe from Levi.

But, the trial didn’t happen as Jeno and Jaemin expected. Levi plead guilty to assault and battery. He got seven years in prison without parole. Jaemin nearly cried tears of joy when he heard. Jeno did cry.

There were rumors that the night before Levi’s plea, someone(s) had beat the shit out of him. There were also rumors that those someone(s) were Johnny and Jaehyun, who missed their daily visits to see Jeno around that same time.


	5. i have loved you since we were eighteen

Christmas at the Lee’s house was different than it was for Jaemin back at home. Usually, Christmas was a big deal. The house would be covered head to toe in decorations, Christmas songs would be blasted from 8am to 3am the next day. His family would be preparing for their family to come over and celebrate.

Jeno’s household was different. The place was decorated by the maids Jeno’s grandfatherly er hired, but it felt more formal than home-y. Jaemin learned that because Jeno’s mother was a drug addict who he hadn’t seen in years and his father was off somewhere with a new family, it was just Jeno and his grandfather for Christmas usually. The thought alone made Jaemin feel devastated for Jeno. 

He hadn’t bought any Christmas gifts for his friends because it totally slipped his mind until December 23rd happened. Jeno rolled his eyes and said that he could just do it then as Jaemin freaked out while Jeno stared at his phone. 

So, he left the house for a few hours by himself to look for a Christmas present primarily for Jeno.

He needed something that would get his love for him across. He needed something more than a pair of socks or a necklace. He needed something that screamed I Love You. He knew Jeno needed more time to heal, not only physically but mentally. But, he wanted Jeno to understand that he would love him regardless of time. He would love Jeno until his last breath.

And, as he stood in line for some pastries to bring home his idea hit him.

He ran around the mall like crazy buying his gifts. He looked like a complete fool as he searched for his last minute presents. But, he eventually found everything he needed.

He was determined to make this Christmas, the best Christmas Jeno ever had.

And, he knew what everyone thought. They thought he was crazy for loving Lee Jeno. They thought he was a fool going to get his heart broken. But, the truth was that being without Jeno hurt more. And, they didn’t hear the things Jeno muttered late at night when he was doped up on pain meds. He talked endlessly about how much he loved Jaemin, how much he appreciated Jaemin, how much he was falling hopelessly in love with Jaemin. And, Jaemin has always said that drunk words are sober thoughts.

So, maybe he was a fool. But, that didn’t make him love Jeno any less.

 

Christmas Day wasn’t the event it usually was for Jaemin. His mother and father were adamant on waking up at 8 A.M. to open gifts and eat a Christmas breakfast before the family would all come over with his nieces and nephews to stay the whole day.

Instead, Jaemin woke up around 10 A.M. as Jeno slept away on his chest. He checked his phone and noticed that his mother texted him saying “Merry Christmas” and to call her later. Jaemin made a mental note to FaceTime her later with Jeno.

He softly ran a finger across Jeno’s face. It was more or less healing. His face was a light brown in all the places that had bruised. He still has some cuts that the doctors warned could potentially scar. Jaemin had to stop himself from screaming that Jeno’s face couldn’t be forever damaged by some bastard who hit the person he was supposed to love. But, Jeno took it with a pinch of salt and said some bullshit about appearance not mattering. 

Jaemin would love Jeno no matter how he looked. He didn’t fall for Jeno’s face, he fell for his entire being, his soul if you will. He just didn’t think it was fair that Jeno could potentially live the rest of his life with a reminder of someone who he didn’t deserve the attention.

“Merry Christmas,” Jeno croaked as he picked his head up off Jaemin’s chest. “You have a really bad habit of staring at me while I sleep.”

Jaemin grinned. “You’re too beautiful.”

Jeno groaned. “Stopppp.” Still, his cheeks turned a rosy red under the brown.

“Merry Christmas.” Jaemin rolled out of bed and stretched as Jeno pulled the covers up over his head.

“Too early.” It was muffled by the comforter, but Jaemin laughed.

“You’re such a big baby.” He slid on one of Jeno’s sweatshirts and sweatpants he wore yesterday. “C’mon, I want to open presents.”

Jeno sighed but threw the comforter back and got up with the help of Jaemin. He shivered before slipping into sweats, still a struggle, and a long sleeve t-shirt with a cartoon drawing with Santa’s on it. Jaemin rolled his eyes when he saw it before walking out of Jeno’s room and grabbing Jeno’s wheelchair from right outside his bedroom.

He wheeled him to the kitchen which was on the same floor.

He started coffee for the both of them as Jeno grabbed frozen waffles from the freezer.

Five minute later, Jeno’s grandfather came into the room with a bathrobe on. He smiled at them and took the mug of coffee Jaemin made for him off the counter.

“Merry Christmas,” his grandfather muttered, taking a gulp of coffee. “There are gifts in the living room for you guys to open.”

As soon as Jeno heard this, he stopped staring over the waffles in the toaster and wheeled himself hazardously to the living room. His grandfather laughed at him, a fond look on his face. Jaemin realized he had that same look on his face as he strolled into the living room behind Jeno’s grandfather.

Jeno had already torn through his stalking, things spread around him on the carpet. He smiled at Jaemin and pointed at the one empty spot beside him. Jaemin sighed and plopped down next to him, putting their mugs of coffee on the ledge in front of the fireplace.

He grabbed his stalking and opened it. None of his stuff was too personal, not that Jaemin expected it to be. It was socks, money, gift cards. Just a bunch of stuff he didn’t ask for but assumed he received because it was Jeno’s favorite holiday and he wanted everyone to be in the mood for it.

Jeno happily started to grab the gifts out from under the tree. He passed them all around and it was no surprise that he had the most gifts, even without the ones Jaemin bought him.

“Open yours first!” Jeno practically squeals, looking at his grandfather. His grandfather rolls his eyes but opens the gift Jeno got him.

“Wow,” he gasped. He pulled out a framed picture and laughed. He showed it to them.

It was a printed piece of paper with Jeno’s first semester Uni grades on them.

Jeno and Jaemin broke out into giggles looking at it. His grandfather just rolled his eyes and mumbled something about putting it on his desk.

Jaemin opened his gift from Jeno and it was a bottle of gin. He smiled thinking back to their first party together. “I still remind you of gin?”

Jeno nodded sheepishly, eyes glancing at his grandfather who was intrigued by the present. Jeno decided to explain. “The first party I went to, Jaemin was there. We’d only met, like, twice but I offered to get him a drink. I gave him gin because I told him he reminded me of the taste. Like Christmas.”

Jaemin grinned softly at the memory, thinking Jeno was done talking, but Jeno continued.

“I told him he reminded me of the taste. Christmas. But, you don’t remind me of gin, Na Jaemin. You remind me of my favorite time of the year. Because every second I spend with you, it feels like the joy of Christmas morning all over again.”

 

The rest of the day, Jaemin was on edge because he hadn’t given Jeno his entire gift. He’s given him a necklace he bought for him, it had a semi-colon attached to it. Not because Jeno was suicidal. But, because Jeno was continuing on with his life even after something so traumatic. He chose to not let it drag him down, and Jaemin admired him for that.

At five P.M., Jaemin had already showered and gotten into jeans and a sweater. He walked into the bedroom where Jeno was passed out and could barely bring himself to wake him. He looked so adorable, cuddled up next to the pillow Jaemin set there to fill his place.

But, alas, Jaemin was shaking Jeno awake and murmuring about how he needed to get up and get dressed.

He took an hour because he’s Jeno and Jeno was always impossibly slow.

Finally, they left the house and got in Jeno’s grandfather’s car. Jaemin hopped in the drivers side after opening the door for Jeno, happily helping him in because of the wheelchair and all that.

He drove them to the café. Jeno’s eyes widen when he recognized the place.

“I-we haven’t been here…” he murmured.

“In a long time,” Jaemin finished as he parked the car. He jumped out and grabbed Jeno’s wheelchair from the trunk before rolling it to the passenger side. Together, they managed to get him in it without killing him.

They enter the restaurant together for the first time in months. Everything that was said here hit Jeno like a car crash. His chest started to ache. He didn’t have any bit of a slightest clue why Jaemin brought him here.

They went to their usual table. The place was empty like always.

Jaemin ordered their milkshakes before turning to Jeno and smiling.

“I wanted to give you a gift,” Jaemin said, grinning like a fool. “But, not just a necklace I...I wanted you to know how much I love you.

Jeno felt the tears in his eyes already. Leave it to Na Jaemin to do this to him, reduce him to nothing but tears with just a few sentences.

“I don’t know if you remember, but the first day we met you spilled hot cheetos all over from your backpack. It was disgusting.”

“I was a mess,” Jeno agreed, playing with his straw wrapper. “God, I was a mess.”

“You say that like you aren’t one now,” Jaemin giggled as Jeno slapped him on the chest. “But, in all seriousness, here.”

Jaemin grabbed his backpack and pulled out a family size bag of hot cheetos and handed them to Jeno who was laughing himself silly.

“You really got me these, huh?” He looked at them before setting them on the table. “You’re a dork.”

The two of them spent the rest of their time sipping on their milkshakes and talking. It felt normal, like the old times. Jaemin loved it.

The two finally left around eight P.M. and Jaemin wasn't done. He knew that he’d need to get Jeno home soon to take his painkillers, but he had one more place to take them.

He drove them back to his dorm. He rolled Jeno inside and waited for him to look at the room again. He forgot that Jeno hadn’t seen the changes made. He finally hung up some of the posters of bands he collected and Chenle our Christmas lights up on the window before he left. The room was less messy, the floors not covered with different clothing items and food wrappers.

“I have one more thing for you,” Jaemin mumbled as he sat down on his bed. It wasn’t worth the effort to try and help Jeno into the bed where he was going to be uncomfortable. He pulled out popcorn from his bag and handed it to Jeno. “For all the movies we wasted popcorn on.”

Jeno smiles so hard that it hurt his cheeks as he took the microwaveable popcorn from him. “Not wasted. It tasted good. The movies you picked would’ve been even more terrible without it.”

Jaemin rolled his eyes and huffed. “My movies were not as bad as your movies!”

“Were too!” 

“Here.” Jaemin shoved the movie into Jeno’s hands, leaning forward to really see his reaction.

“50 First Dates?” Jeno mumbled, flipping the movie over in his hands to read the back. It was an American movie with Adam Sandler in it, but it came for Korean subtitles.

Jaemin laughed at Jeno. “It’s about a guy who meets and girl and goes on fifty first dates with her.”

“Why?” Jeno asked, slightly confused.

“You’ll have to watch the movie to find out.”

Jaemin took them home. He made the popcorn and put the movie in the DVD player he was thankful Jeno’s grandfather still had. They sat on the couch, side by side and snacked on the popcorn. The movie played and Jaemin had already seen it, so his eyes were focused on Jeno’s reactions the whole time.

When the movie finished, Jeno said, “I can see why you like it.”

“I like it because it’s a good movie, duh,” Jaemin said with a playful eye roll.

“I still don’t know why you got it for me for Christmas. It’s about a girl who has short-term memory loss and that’s why he went on _fifty first dates_ with her.”

Jaemin smiled a little. “Because, I wanted you to know, I would love to go on one hundred first dates with you Lee Jeno. Even if you didn’t remember me afterward. If I had to do what Adam did in the movie for you. You’re worth it all.”

Jeno definitely cried.

 

They were preparing to leave for Jaemin’s home right as the one month mark of break hit. They were going to spend a week with Jaemin’s family before coming back for another week of break until school started.

Jeno bursted out into sobs as Jaemin was packing his t-shirts into their suitcase.

Jaemin whipped around and fell to his knees in front of Jeno’s wheelchair, taking Jeno’s face in his hands and wiping the tears away. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

The word baby slipped out, but he didn’t say anything about it. Neither did Jeno who still sobbed, hands on Jaemin’s.

“I-“ he couldn’t stop crying long enough to say what was on his mind, but Jaemin was patient. He let Jeno cry it all out, absentmindedly saying reassuring things as he cried.

Finally, Jeno’s tears dried up and his sobs stopped. “I-I...We have to go back to my-my...apartment.”

Jaemin lost his breath. He almost forgot about where Jeno was living. He was slowly forgetting Levi as each day went on, as each bruise on Jeno’s face healed. 

He nodded slowly. “Okay. Do you want me to go back and get your stuff? I can take Jaehyun and Johnny with me?”

Jeno shook his head. “I-I need to go back a-and see it for myself.”

Jaemin didn’t want to get into a fight, no matter how bad of an idea it was. As far as he cared, he never wanted Jeno to think of Levi again. “A-are you sure?”

Jeno swallowed hard, eyes darting up and down before he answered, “yeah.”

And so, Jaemin took him to the apartment. It was in a fairly pricey place. He wasn’t surprised, considering what he’d heard about Levi. He liked nice things, polished things. He parked in the parking lot and got out of the car to help Jeno out.

The two went inside, the doorman greeting Jeno with a gasp, “Jeno! What happened?”

Jaemin saw Jeno was at a loss for words, face turning bright red so he interrupted before he could say anything. “Hi! I’m Jaemin!”

They made small talk as Jeno sat there silently in his wheelchair, staring at the floor. Jaemin had a feeling that Jeno was ready to go so he excused himself and allowed Jeno to direct him to the elevator.

It then occurred to Jaemin that he’d never seen Jeno’s apartment, never been invited before. He never found it odd, never questioned it. 

The elevator doors opened on floor 14 and Jaemin wheeled Jeno out. They went to apartment door 1892, the numbers in gold on the door.

“This is it?” Jaemin asked as Jeno pulled out keys and handed them to him. Jaemin easily unlocked it and pushed it open.

As he walked in, pushing Jeno’s wheelchair, he realized that this apartment was Jeno in every way, shape, and form. It wasn’t small, wasn’t big, but Jeno was on every surface, every counter, every couch. His clothes, his shoes, his pictures. 

Jaemin had never imagined the place, never had a reason to think about it.

But, he grasped then how deeply integrated Levi was in Jeno’s life. While Levi was merely a thought, a nasty thought, to Jaemin, he was Jeno’s whole life. He consumed Jeno’s every second of every day. While Jaemin was busy falling in love with Jeno, the latter was busy trying to keep Levi happy.

And, Jaemin, for the first time, fathomed how fucked up that was.

Yet, he didn’t have time to ponder over it because he heard the faint cries coming from Jeno. He looked down and saw that Jeno had rolled into the kitchen. He was just staring at the fridge and sobbing into his sleeve.

Jaemin gulped. This was going to be a lot harder than he expected. A lot. “Jeno?”

He looked up at Jaemin, face blotchy. “Hmm?”

“I...if you want I can get the stuff you need.”

Jeno refused his offer. “C-can you just stand here with me.”

He exhaled slowly and shakily. “Okay.”

So, he stood behind Jeno’s wheelchair, hand on the other's shoulder for support. Who he was supporting, he was unsure. They stayed in the kitchen for what felt like an eternity, but in reality was under five minutes. Jaemin didn’t know what to think, what to feel really.

After a few minutes, Jeno whispered something. Jaemin had to ask him to say it again. “He knew about you.”

Jaemin didn’t respond, but Jeno kept talking.

“H-he knew about the kiss, I told him. That’s why I came back the next day with a black eye.”

Jaemin stopped breathing.

“And, he knew about how much time we spent together, Jaemin. The Friday nights? You remember those? You didn’t see me on Saturday because…”

He didn’t finish, but Jaemin could fill in. He didn’t realize he was crying until he tasted the salt and saw the drops fall onto Jeno’s shoulders.

“B-but, looking back at it now, I know why I kept doing it. Every good second I spent with you, was another bad minute I spent with him. But, you were worth it. God, you were so worth it. Still are.” Jeno’s voice was weak and strained as he cried. 

Jaemin couldn’t stop himself from collapsing on the floor, knees tucked to his chest as he sobbed. He couldn’t catch his breath, couldn’t hear anything else. It was a terrible idea, coming to this apartment with Jeno. He should’ve let Jaehyun or Johnny take him. He shouldn’t have done this.

“Jeno,” he said eventually, voice hoarse. “I’m just going to say this. I love you so, so much. I’ll love you until the sea turns to dust and the stars all out of the sky. B-but, you have a lot to work out on your own.”

Jeno nodded very slowly, face blank. He saw it coming. He knew this was going to happen. He expected it.

“A-and I’ll be there for you every step of the way, you know that. But...but I can’t be there for you the way I am. I’m in love with you, so in love with you. But, I’m not dumb. You have so much to figure out. You need to adjust to life without him. Talk to a professional. You...you need to focus on you.”

Jeno bit his lip. He knew he was right. He was so, so right. It didn’t hurt any less. “For the record, I love you too Na Jaemin. I've loved you since I first laid eyes on you.”

Jaemin closed his eyes tight.

“I’m so sorry. I’ll spend the rest of my life being sorry.”

Jaemin shook his head. “Don’t be, Lee Jeno. You have nothing to apologize for.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> epilogue next <3


	6. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the end <3

Five months passed by quickly. Far more quickly than Jaemin thought. He finished his first year of Uni, making pretty good grades in all his classes. He remained friends with Chenle, Mark, Renjun, Hyuck, Yukhei, and especially Jeno.

He listened to every time Chenle cried about Jisung because they were constantly going at it for no reason, mainly because they missed each other a lot. Mark, Renjun, and Hyuck finally made it official with posts on Instagram. It spread around the campus like wildfire because apparently nobody had ever seen a poly relationship before.

Yukhei and Jungwoo broke up four times in the span of two months, a record. But, in the end, they kept coming back to each other not. Jaemin wasn’t too worried about them. Unfortunately, they were the most stable couple.

That leaves Lee Jeno. Him coming back to school after everything was the hardest part for him, Jaemin thought. Jeno had always had people staring at him. Only, they never stared at him with pity. So, adjusting to that was difficult and he cried about it to Jaemin. Jeno lived with his grandfather for the remainder of the school year. Their first visit to his old apartment was their last. Jaehyun and Johnny packed everything up for Jeno and brought it to his grandfather’s house where it was to sit in storage until he could live on his own again.

But, he went to therapy for real. Jaemin drove him three times a week before he went to dance practice for the dance club he let his friends convince him to come. He picked him up afterward and they got milkshakes. He also took him to physical therapy for his leg. 

Jaemin never pried, never asked how it was going. He knew he needed to let Jeno do his thing, to let Jeno be by himself. Which he did. He was curious as fuck, but it was better to let Jeno come to him. He did, eventually.

Jaemin was so, so proud when Jeno told him that his therapist said that they could start seeing each other less and less. He was so proud when Jeno opened up about his mother and his father. He was so proud.

They finished up the school year May with a good old frat party. It was a fun night. Jeno and Jaemin stuck together most of the time, seeing their friends get drunk off their asses and have the time of their lives.

Jaemin didn’t go home right away, actually. He’d been home for spring break which was boring as fuck because Jeno went on a cruise with no service. He mostly hung out with Chenle and Jisung and caught up on sleep.

He stayed with Jeno and his grandfather for a month before he went home for a month. He promised to come back and stay another couple of weeks before school started back up for sophomore year. 

At home, he worked at his old job. He worked day in and day out so that he didn’t have to live off Chenle’s money for food, despite how much the younger promised it wasn’t a problem. He also wanted to get an apartment off campus and split the rent with him. That was their plan, after all. 

The time came for him to come back to Jeno’s grandfather’s house and he was more than excited. He missed Jeno so much it was ridiculous, really. They FaceTimed every day for a few hours and texted constantly. They sent memes all the time, but it wasn’t the same as hugging him or seeing his perfect smile in person.

He didn’t live too far from the campus. It was a four-hour drive on a good day, six on a bad. But, he didn’t like making the drive by himself which is why if he didn’t have to, he didn’t. Yet, he would still drive eight million miles for Lee Jeno. Even after all that time.

He pulled into Jeno’s driveway. It was a long drive, unfortunately. He woke up around eight A.M. for the drive. He opened his car door and hopped out. 

As he was shutting his door, a body slammed into him, nearly knocking him down at the force. He wrapped his arms around the person’s waist, feeling a face nuzzle into the crook of his neck.

He inhaled Jeno’s scent. It felt like home. He was safe with Lee Jeno. He was home.

He picked Jeno up and swung him around the driveway, squealing in delight because he was here with Lee Jeno. His Lee Jeno. 

“Oh my God, I missed you so fucking much,” Jeno mumbled into his neck, lips touching his skin. “You have no idea how much I need you, Na Jaemin.”

But, he did know. He knew because he needed Jeno as much too. He only hummed in response and let Jeno hug him tighter, quite literally taking his breath away with his squeeze.

He eventually let go because it was too hot and they were sweating even in tank tops and shorts. But, as Jeno pulled back, he ran his hand over Jaemin’s cheek and pinched it. “You’re so beautiful.”

Jaemin rolled his eyes and tried so hard not to blush, hoping it would pass as him being too warm under the Seoul sun. “Shut up and help me get my stuff.”

The two grabbed all of Jaemin’s things from the trunk of his car. He decided to bring most of the stuff he was going to need for sophomore year so that he would have more room when he came back before school started.

“You couldn’t pack any lighter?” Jeno huffed as he dragged in two duffel bags full of clothes and carried a backpack full of reading books on his back. 

“It takes a lot to be this cute,” Jaemin sighed and opened the door for Jeno.

“Not if you’re Na Jaemin, it does not.” Jeno groaned and dragged his stuff up the steps to an empty bedroom. Jaemin followed him, not sure how to respond. Jeno was usually flirty, but it seemed even more so today.

And, if you were wondering, Jaemin was still completely in love with Jeno. He tried hard to move on, he tried to see other people but nobody’s smile was even worth comparing to Jeno’s. Nobody made him feel even the fraction of happiness Jeno made him feel.

He turned into Jeno’s room and dropped his last suitcase full of clothes on the floor. He opened his drawers in Jeno’s dresser and grinned when he saw they were still empty. He walked around the room and peaked into the closet, noticing half of it was also empty for his things. 

Nothing had changed in Jeno’s room. He still has different posters, including one One Direction poster, hung up in no particular order. He had different pictures in frames on his bedside tables and desk. Jaemin picked up one particular frame, touching the glass to trace over his smile. It was one that Renjun took around February, Jeno had his arm wrapped over Jaemin’s shoulder as they laughed at whatever dumb thing Yukhei was doing. He gets a flood of warmth at the memory, the warmth being his love for all of them.

“C’monnnn,” Jeno whined from behind him. “I’m hungry.”

Jaemin whipped head around and rolled his eyes. “You’re always hungry.”

Nonetheless, he followed Jeno to the car and got in the driver's side because he doesn’t trust Jeno to drive one bit. Not only could Jeno not drive to save his life, but it scared the shit of him. When Jeno got nervous, Jaemin could see it on his face and that made him nervous.

He didn’t even have to ask where to go. They both knew. Jeno didn’t say anything as he parked in the parking lot of _their_ cafe. He made eye contact with Jaemin and grinned before getting out of the car and walked into the cafe.

It was busier than the last time they’d come there together. Jaemin was happy for them, didn’t mind the crowd. 

Jeno took a seat at their table and flipped through the menu as if he was going to order anything other than a milkshake. Jaemin shook his head with a fond smile on his face.

“You’re a dork,” Jaemin muttered as he dropped his phone on the table.

Jeno looked up from his menu and sighed. “I’m sorry you’re unadventurous.”

“Oh my fucking God,” Jaemin groaned with a laugh. “You’re unbearable.”

“Says the one who hogs all the covers!”

“You drool on me!” Jaemin countered, leaning in across the table to get closer to Jeno’s face.

“Well!” Jeno pouted when he didn’t have anything to say. He threw himself backward, hitting his head on the booth behind him.

“I’m always right.” Jaemin beamed and looked at their waitress who greeted them. They ordered their milkshakes and fell into a comfortable silence. One thing Jaemin would always love about being with Jeno was that they never had an awkward moment. Everything about being with him felt right. It felt like he’d known Jeno his entire life.

“I have a confession,” Jeno announced suddenly, upper body bounding forward. Jaemin jumped, his phone falling out of his hands and onto the table.

“Okay.” 

Jeno took a deep breath, like he was working up the courage to say it. Jaemin felt his stomach full with butterflies. It was rare Jeno ever worried about what he was going to say. He was a speak before you think type of person. “I...on my bad days, I think about this place. And, I think about you, Na Jaemin. Because you are my light even on my darkest days.”

Jaemin bit the inside of his cheek to remind himself not to cry.

“A-and, I’m so grateful you’re in my life. I’m so grateful that you stuck by me even after everything. I-I want you to know that even after all this time, after everything, I’m still foolishly in love with you, Sweater Vest.”

And, yeah, Jaemin started to weep a little. He’d imagined this conversation so many ways. He’d hoped everyday Jeno would still feel this way about him.

Jeno took Jaemin’s hands into his own, drawing shapes onto his smooth skin. “You told me you’d love to go on hundred first dates with me. A-and I want you to know that I’d love to spend the rest of my life with you. I’d spend the rest of my life loving you. Fuck, I will spend the rest of my life loving you.”

Jaemin gulped, trying to stop the tears slipping down his cheeks. It was impossible though. Jeno was saying all the right things. “Lee Jeno. I told you I’d love you until the oceans turn to dust. That was a lie. I’ll love you until the sun burns out.”

Jeno grinned, face also wet with tears. “Be my boyfriend, Na Jaemin.”

“I’d love to.”

How ironic their relationship would start the same place it ended many months ago. 

And he leaned over and kissed him. He still tasted like mint. But, he also tasted like something Jaemin had never tasted before. Complete and utter love. He was Jaemin’s. Forever.

They went back to Jeno’s place and watched 50 First Dates again. Only, they didn’t really watch it because they were too consumed with each other. In finally being with each other. In loving each other freely, without the restrictions.

Looking back at it now, Jaemin knows he wouldn’t do it any other way. He wouldn’t have changed anything about that.

Because he has a bachelors in psychology and is taking his second year for a masters in it. He lives with Lee Jeno, who got a teaching job right out of school. They have three dogs and two cats even though Jeno is allergic to them and whines and complains.

He has Chenle and Jisung as best friends. He sees Mark, Renjun, and Hyuck (who are still in a poly relationship) almost every month. He talks to Yukhei and Jungwoo on the phone since they moved a little way out of Seoul.

He is complete. His heart is full and bursting with love for his friends and family.

But, most importantly, he has Lee Jeno. The Lee Jeno who sat next to him in Intro to Psych and spilled hot cheetos all over the place. The Lee Jeno who’s really had his heart since day one.

And, the Lee Jeno who’s his fiancé. The person he’s going to love until the oceans turn to dust and the sun burns out. Whichever comes first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u so much for reading babies. leave a kudos/comment because they make me feel special. feel free to tell me what i can improve on. this has been such an adventure and i tried to add a little more fluff at the end. if you've read any of my works, you can see i'm much better at writing angst and not romance. huge shout out to the two people who read this before i published it here on ao3 and let me know their thoughts. it would have never come this far without them.
> 
> thank you so much for reading, i hope you enjoyed! <3333
> 
>  
> 
> [twit](twitter.com/flirtytaehyungs)


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